Given the state of politics trying to infringe on the bodies of those who have children, I wanted to take some time and talk about my experience of getting a vasectomy for those who may be thinking about the same.
Spoilers - it was basically less painful and scary in every single way compared to what I expected. If you're certain you don't and won't want (more) kids, just do it.
The Decision
This was pretty easy. I have two kids who I adore. They fill in heart with everything I need and I love spending time with them. However, the first years are hard and I have no desire to do it again. Plus, as a parent who is separated, that means that my time with the kids is solo and they already outnumber me. It's only a matter of time until there's a mutiny.
So, I was confident. It feels only fair that I took it upon myself rather than pushing the onus on others. I am privileged to live in countries where access to birth control and abortions isn't being jeopardized, but if you live in a place where it is and you're confident, then my belief that the responsibility falls to penis-holders to handle birth control.
Getting an Appointment
I went to the doctor and told them about my request. In the UK I am under the impression that you are highly discouraged if you are below a certain age, but in Germany I was given a urologist referral immediately. The appointments were a little awkward to book and would be a little longer away than I wanted, so I got in touch with a private practice and they booked a consultation the following week.
At the consultation I was talked through the procedure, told that while it is reversable there is obviously only a certain success rate so I should be certain, and the doctor felt around for the ducts he would operate on. Apparently some people have multiple ducts on each side so he needed to know what he was dealing with.
In short, he'll sever both ducts that delivery sperm from the testicles to where it would be infused with seminal fluid. The sperm die and are absorbed by the body. The seminal fluid still exists and comes out and there's no change to performance, mood, drive, etc.
We booked the procedure for a couple of weeks later.
The Procedure
The doctor asked me to be fully shaved below the belt for the procedure. It turns out he really only needed a tiny amount to be shaved but I reckon he had a miscommunication in the past so now he just says all of it. I laid down on the table with my legs in stirrups. He covered my groin in a brown disinfectant iodine solution and then placed a blue paper sheet with a hole in it over, pulling through my genitals so they were the only thing above the sheet to operate on.
I was laid flat and couldn't see what was happening. He popped some music on (he offered me to pick and I stupidly said no so we got incredibly boring ambient music but I wish it hadd been an album I know as a good thing to focus on).
He did one side at a time. First he injected an anaesthetic into the duct (which hurt a bit but no more than standard injections for anaesthetic, like at a dentist). Then was the only bit that really hurt - an incision right at the front top of the scrotum to the right of the shaft. Yeah, that was a pretty deep cut and the only numbed bit was the duct, not the skin. It hurt while he did it (about 10 seconds) and then I didn't feel a thing.
That said, the incision pain made me freak out. I remember sweating a lot and I let the doctor know I was a bit stressed but I'll stay still and to carry on. He reassured me and just said he'll give me some updates as he goes. While he worked he made small talk and I was just playing Daft Punk in my head as something to focus on.
He pulled the duct to the front with some tongs. Then he cut, cauterized (burned the ends), and tied the ducts. I heard the cut and the beep of the machine which made me wince but I felt nothing and smelled nothing. I've heard some people say you can smell the burning flesh but I didn't at all. He sewed me up and did the other side.
The whole thing took 45 minutes. He told me I could literaly walk home just not to overdo it. No exercise or ejaculation for a week.
As a side note: the iodine stains and I wore white underwear because I'm an idiot.
The Week After
Nothing hurt immediately after. I did get a cab home but honestly I could have walked as the doctor said. Everything was fine until about 5 hours later with the anaesthetic wore off and it hurt like I'd been kicked in the nuts - the dull pain most people with testicles know. It was a bit bloody for the first 24 hours but nothing major and what you'd expect from a wound that has just been stitched closed.
For a couple of days the feeling of dull pain was present but it was way less bad than I expected. I expected to feel the actual points of the duct cut but didn't. In fact, the most painful bit was the skin of my scrotum 'sticking' to my leg with sweat and pulling the stitches. If I could go back I'd have stocked up on baby powder.
I thought the wound got infected, I sent the doctor a picture (with consent!) and he said it looks fine. My balls went purple as they bruised but also completley manageable. And that's really it in terms of notable concerns.
A week later I took out the stitches at home. They'd mostly dissolved internally but needed cutting above the skin. It was mildly uncomfortable but not painful. 2 weeks later it had basically fully healed though I avoided swimming pools for another couple of weeks.
The only thing I'l say is that I got super in my head about ejaculating expecting it to be extremely painful so I put it off a while longer than a week. It was totally fine.
The Months After
Life goes on. There's two visible scar tissues where the cut happened but it's super small. I feel no different. And 3 months later I booked a 15 minute appointment where I gifted the doctor some jizz and he looked at it under a microscope to make sure everything had been successful.
If the procedure reverses itself it's apparently most common in the first three months. As he saw no sperm, we can consider the exercise a success. He let me look down the microscope too which was kinda cool.
Here's The Thing
The idea of someone cutting into you, chopping a duct, burning it, and tying it up makes me squirm. But this was less bad than I expected in every single way. It was quick to book, relatively cheap (€350), and I feel good knowing that I've taken the proactive step in contraception where the alternatives for partners seem much worse. Wish I'd have done it before.
So there you go. Hope that wasn't too gross but that's a real account on how it went. If you want to but you're worried about pain or how it might affect you - don't be.